Unprotected Sex May Lead to Pregnancy

I’m going to come clean. I’m not a doctor. That being said, I think I’ve stumbled upon a medical finding every young woman should be aware of: if you, a woman, have sex with a man without using birth control, you may become pregnant. Allow me to break it down. Once sperm meets up with one of your eggs hanging out in your f-tubes, conception occurs. Unfortunately, conception means pregnancy. If you want to avoid pregnancy, you should avoid allowing sperm enter you.

Sperm does not always lead to babies, but my point is that it may. Now some people want children, and that’s great. But if you’re relatively young, or a dedicated student or career-woman, you might not want to muddy your busy schedule with an infant or messy abortion procedure. To avoid this ruin, you should take some precautionary measures to prevent pregnancy:

(1) Condoms, or “Penis Gloves”. These things act as a sheath covering the ding-dong during sex and prevent the sperm from entering your vagina. They also provide an added bonus of making sex less enjoyable, which is God’s way of reminding you of your sins.

(2) Doing It in Water. Scientifically proven* to wash away babies.

(3) Abstinence, or "Abstinence". I know what you’re thinking, and the answer is: Yes, it is possible. What makes it possible is the fact that you’re still allowed to engage in oral and anal sex. And if you’re anything like me, that accounts for 90% of your sexual activity anyway.

(4) Birth Control Pills. I hadn’t really heard of these things, so I had to look them up on Wikipedia. I’m going to spare you the medical mumbo jumbo, but suffice it to say it keeps the babies away.

(5) Be Barren. This way you can’t become pregnant no matter how hard you try.

This list should be read as exhaustive; feel free to share it with your friends. The sooner we adjust our sexual habits as suggested above, the sooner we’ll end this epidemic of unwanted pregnancies.




* Not scientifically proven.