I should not have tried to get to the airport by street canoe

Notice how in the picture, the man moves the canoe by using the paddle to push off the water and propel the boat forward. The difference is, with a street canoe, you don't have any fucking water. You just keep hitting the concrete with your paddle, and its damn near impossible to move.

I know what you're thinking: 'ziek, i know its a little less convenient for you, but think of the environment. Granted, but without someone pushing you, its nearly impossible to move in a street canoe. A compromise might be taking a train or something.

Needless to say, I missed my plane. It took me 2 hours to get to O'hare from the Northern Suburbs: an hour and a half in the street canoe smacking the concrete in front of my house and then half an hour in the cab to the airport.

Contrary to what you've heard, it would NOT be cool if pretzels grew on trees.

If I only had a nickel for everytime one of my friends has said, (often wistfully), "Wouldn't it be cool if pretzels grew on trees?" Your instinct is to say. "Balls yeah!" But no, it would not be cool. It wouldn't be much a problem-especially if they are soft pretzels. But it just wouldn't be that cool. It would be mundane. I mean have you ever really thought "Oh my god. How cool is it that oranges grow on trees?" Or "Wow it's awesome that babies are delivered by Storks." I mean it would just be such a part of the natural world that you would totally take it for granted. Like the lame-ass that you are.

Beethoven. Classic.

Just sitting there looking weird. Same old Ludwig Von.