Keep it on grass: why baseball shouldn’t be played on cement or water

I sense that some people think that Major League Baseball needs to develop another surface other than grass and Astroturf on which to play baseball. My sixth sense tells me that these people have narrowed their list of acceptable surfaces to cement and water.
Baseball purists have been arguing for cement for years, pointing out that kids grew up playing the game on the school blacktop-the way God and Abner Doubleday intended. Just last week, George Will, a political pundit and baseball geek, argued that, “baseball should either be played on cement or in a tent, and I’m kidding about the tent.” While voices such as Will’s have been heard loud and clear by the powers that be, the pro-water camp has been gaining steam due to the persistence of PETA, who has been pushing for an all-dolphin team since the late 1980’s.
Let me just say, WHAT THE FUCK ARE THESE PEOPLE THINKING!
I know I’m just a blogger, but I think we should play baseball on grass. It’s soft enough so the players don’t get hurt but firm enough to prevent them from sinking to the bottom of a pool. Cement would be a terribly unforgiving surface on the players’ bodies and playing on it would bring a multitude of injuries, and water would bring…can I just say that playing baseball on water is just absurd. I really don’t even know how to begin arguing against such a ridiculous premise.
Keep baseball on grass. C’mon guys. Use your heads.