No, I've Never Seen "Platoon". Can we get on with our lives now?

Yes, I know it's the quintessential Vietnam movie. I know it's significantly less nutty than Oliver Stone's other films. And that it was based on his personal experiences as an infantryman during that war. I even know that it's your father's favorite movie because it brought home so many painful memories in a way that validated his long-held feelings and freed him of his guilt and fear. But I'm still not going to spend two hours watching it with you. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not a week from Go Fuck Yourself. So just move on and live live in this new reality.

You're not the first person who has tried to harass me into seeing this movie. My high school art teacher told me that I could never understand the 60s until I saw Platoon. He may be right. But luckily, it's 2009.

Even my mom liked this movie. And she hates on-screen violence. But the realistic portrayals and earthy language of the soldiers made her understand how the war changed her brother, my favorite uncle. Now ask yourself, if hearing that review from my own motherd, didn't send me to Blockbuster, why on earth do you think your constant nattering about how cute Johnny Depp was would?

Every relationship has its up and down days. Love is about compromising. Like when I went to your cousin's bat mitzvah instead of the Wilco show. Or maybe it was Weezer. Whatever. You know, the one my cousin had tickets for last year. Now it's your turn. You get to let go of watching this depressing, agonizing, ripe with bourgeoisie guilt "classic" with your boyfriend.

I know. It's a tragedy. So was the Lisbon Earthquake. But in that case,people eventually shut up about it.